Rawness

Hi,

I haven't written in about a month as life in the raw lane has taken many twists and turns. It seems extraordinary even to write in this moment of incredible raw-ness. But alas, that is why I am writing.

My Beloved died last week of Leukemia. Yes. He died on February 5. On a Tuesday....at 3:38 am. At least that is the time I believe that I heard him take his last quiet breath.

It was an amazing experience and despite the depth of grief that I feel, I also feel the awe of witnessing Death. It is very raw.

As Death moved in, it awoken me. I thought my Beloved woke me up at 3:15 am and perhaps he did...but I believe also that Death moving in my energy field, woke me up. I felt Fear....the Fear of a young child perhaps.

I was so thankful for being woken up because those next 20 minutes were Dale's last breaths. I listened in a dreamy-sleep-like-awake state to his breathing....that had moved from a heavy, deep breath, to a soft one. And then the breaths became less frequent and then suddenly, they stopped. And the Quiet was so loud.

I put my hands on him and felt only stillness. I felt his warm body slowly get cold. I 'saw' a bubble above and inside it an ecstatic, alive, vital, full ENERGY. My Beloved's energy that I had so missed these last months of illness. All at once, I had compassion for what he himself probably had also been missing. It was a beautiful thing to remember that aliveness...that after being dampened for so long, was hard to connect with. It was his Essence; and it stayed around for a while before departing.

Rawness....the raw feelings I feel are so good. So earthy, so real, so what life is all about.

And I know that eating raw foods daily offers me the vital, alive, essence of Life that I strive to express every day.

With Love, Robyn